Radahn: I don’t know where I am. I don’t know what anyone is doing. I don't know which is true; am I gay for Miquella and Aeonia was staged, or did I try to back out and the twins came to bridenap me? I don’t know how Miq can casually rip off bodyparts when Ranni had to do that bullshit with the Death Rune to become a spirit. Come to think of it; I don’t know why my sister was an Empyrean to begin with when purportedly what made Mickey and Malenia qualify was Marika fucking herself to conceive them. I don’t know why “The Fingers” are portrayed as immortal manipulative masterminds when Metyr is just a big monster killed in a straight fight, they never actually display mind control capabilities like Mick does, and people have to interpret their messages so who’s to say the Finger Readers weren’t making shit up themselves? I don’t know what Radagon is even meant to be: is he an externalized persona like Trina & Millicent, or is he just some guy that got assimilated by her, there’s evidence either way. I don’t know why Gargoyle Black Weapons use the wrong particle effects. I don’t know why Gurranq doesn’t despawn when Maliketh dies. I don’t know why Irina’s corpse doesn’t despawn when she comes back as Hyetta. I don’t know why Marika’s corpse is in the arena when fighting Radagon who we just saw morph her body into his own to fight. I don’t know why it took From 2.5 years to enable Torrent in the Elden Beast fight when that boss was blatantly designed to be chased and dodged from horseback. I don’t know why several of the Hornsent NPCs and Enemy types don’t have actual horns attached to their models. I don’t know why one of Millicent’s sisters just randomly has a copy of Melina’s dagger. I don’t know why Niall has both legs intact and uses his prosthetic as a bladed boxing glove. I don’t know why Fingercreepers were retconned into being related to Two Fingers when the base game hinted they were creations of Rykard and they don’t actually resemble each other. I don’t know if Placidusax was supposed to have 4 or 5 heads originally. I don’t know why Florissax is stuck in anthro-dragon form when Lansseax can switch between full-dragon & full-human at will. I don’t know why Mitch just randomly has a third arm as a spirit. I don’t know why Mallie and Miqy don’t have wolfman babysitters or their own personal Two Fingers when that apparently is standard equipment for all Empyreans. I don’t know how the twins can just casually leave the continent and start a rival religion long before Miquella figured out how to break the compulsions of the Golden Order and become a god if we’re supposed to believe living!Ranni could barely move a muscle if her own Fingers didn’t allow it. I don’t know why EVERY single NPC questline boils down to hide-and-seek and yapping simulators that are almost impossible not to break without a guide. I don’t know why everyone gives Miyazaki a pass for how lacking the actual Role-Play aspects of his games have always been. And even GOD doesn’t know what the timeline of events is and how long ago anything actually happened.
What I do know is this; you fuck with my pets, you’re gonna die. Or get mindwhammied by my dubiously consensual life-partner. Simple as.
