The world's fair rotten with folks at my level.My father always says, you should do what feels best to you.I'm just... being a coward!As a senior in high school,I painted daily. Sometimes I'd leave the results lying around and Mother'd get angry,But for some reason, I could never get a word of real praise from Mother.You know, I'd... like to go into painting for a living...I, I wanted to be as good as you... to be... a good painter...I'm not going to make a burden of myself! So--There's just nothing outstanding about being a good painter. It's hopeless, Hikaru....you still liked to paint even after you'd grown up, didn't you...?You used to paint when I was small, right? So what is it that you're so afraid of now?I'm not like you, Mother. I'm not going to stop at just being a "good" painter.I may still be just an amateur now, but... someday, this is how I'll make my living.Tell me, Hikaru: when is "someday"?Uh...Why is she being so strict about this...?That's...I thought she'd be more co-operative... I mean, this is something that I love, shouldn't she be supporting me...?Hikaru, are you listening? Where are you going when it's just getting dark? Hikaru!I thought Mother loved painting, too. I knew she did. I believed it. And yet...You must be painting every day, huh?Oh, no, I just like it, is all...That you keep at it is a talent itself. Don't give up!I take pride in the praise I get from my classmates and teachers.I'd paint anyway, but after all, everybody likes to be praised. But, Mother...What if I'm really just a born amateur, and any really skilled painter would laugh at what I've done?Ah...What's this... one of my paintings...?rustle rustlehaah...I should take this back home... getting tired, anyway...I'd been walking aimlessly with my eyes on the sidewalk.I had to be a contender for the oldest "lost child" on record.flipWha?!Out of RangeThat CAN'T be right...! Okay, calm down, just find a police box...Oh... well, no harm done. Say, uh, you wouldn't know where there's a police box nearby, would you?Um... it's kind of embarrassing, but I'm actually a little lost... I'm trying to get to Hinobara...I don't recognize that uniform, so I guess you don't go to school around here. To think, a "lost child" at your age! Ahahaha!Ah... well, I guess so, yeah...What is it about this girl... just seeing her smile takes a load off my shoulders...So, um... you made all those paper airplanes?Yep.And you just throw them?Yep.Strange girl...I figured, if I'm going to throw them away, just crumpling them up and tossing them in a bin wasn't a very heroic end, so I came up with this to give them a proper send-off!Throw them away...?crinkle...Mhm.And afterwards, I toss 'em all so I can start all over!You mean... you painted them?'Bout the size of it!This technique... it's really good... how does she make the colors like that...?So long as there's anyone above me, I can blame them for my failures.You have to recognize this, and give it up... before it puts a burden on everyone around you.Someone else said the same thing to me... just recently...What is this...Oh yeah? They were probably a coward, too, then.I swear I've seen her somewhere before... I know this person.But who is she? Who?Oh, wait, did you ever tell me your name?Oh, it's... Hikaru.Looks like we go to different schools, but good to know you!Hikaru? That's a nice name.My mother is very skillful.She can make just about anything in the world for me.She's a good artist, too, and she'd always draw something when I badgered her.I'll call Mother! This can't really be too far from home...Huh?No, no... I should apologize for prying...You're actually not that good.I don't hold any delusions about that.Just forget about your family for a minute. What about yourself?Don't you like painting? Wouldn't you rather keep on doing it?If I didn't, I'd just burn the things. But that'd just be a start.Tons more at home, 'cause I keep making them faster than I can toss 'em out.To love something this much, to give your whole life over to it, that takes courage... just liking it ain't enough.Seems like we've gone from one strange topic to another since we've met, sorry 'bout that.donkMust be nice~Nah, when you start talking about things you don't normally say to anyone, it all kinda comes out at once.This girl whom I'd met in an unfamiliar back alleyjust happened to be struggling with the exact same dilemma as me.In regards to our dreams, we were servile and cowardly, unable to advance a single step.With nothing but a wry smile, she spoke easily with me about her uncertain future.This girl...Do you like to paint, too, Hikaru?...yeah......with the same name as my mother.A little more to come ▼If I don't make it back home before sundown, Mother's going to be so worri--YIPE!twitchOh! Sorry!Sorry, totally my fault!I just sent it flying, didn't even think to look first...Huh? N-no, it's nothing like that......mmm, I'd like to, but it's probably impossible.But why not!? You're really good!And there's as many of them as will never get any better as stars in the sky.Isn't this something you want to do?That's not the whole of it. It's my mom.You can be happy enough getting married and living an ordinary life, right?......yep.Hikaru, this picture's incredible!Kurihara's got a painter's callus, so it figures she's great!Maybe Mother just hates my paintings...?Y-you don't have to do this! I'll take them!Ehh? What brought this on?You're kinda strange......still, that you'd make that offer... thanks....so, you're just going to give up? Doesn't that seem strange?You lack self-confidence, and blame it on your father... that's what I'm hearing.It's really got nothing to do with my father. I know that.My pictures had won several awards. On top of that, my homeroom teacher and all my friends said I was great.My guidance counselor thinks I could do it, too. He's been looking into things for me...What are you talking about? This isn't the time to keep playing around.Wh-- uh... no no, it's not like that at all. I really mean...And that's any better? I think it's past time you took a break from painting.T-took a break?Do you enjoy painting? Then that's fine.You just don't understand, Hikaru.HIKARU!That you love it so much is only more of a reason..."Someday", when?I looked up to find myself facing a snack stand sign in an unfamiliar back alley.And now you're throwing them all away?Throwing this way, it's... it's sacrilege!But it's no good. They gotta be tossed.If I fail at this, there's nothing coming after.This'd be fine if we had money to fall back on, but we don't. Father never does worry much about that sort of thing.There wasn't ever a conscious decision that I would become as good an artist as she was; it was just a natural goal.As far as I can remember, I never had a father.I got teased about that pretty much all my life, but... so long as Mother was there, I didn't mind.I-I guess so...Are you an artist, too, Hikaru? Show us!Hmmmm......but the joy of painting was praise enough to keep me going. My painter's callus grew larger and harder by the day.
A callus developed along the length of the middle finger, from holding a brush all the time.Whatever I showed her, that was as much as she'd say.Hikaru.Paint in your spare time. But this isn't something worth taking so seriously. This is..."This is..." what?!......is this about money? Because I'll work! I'll work, while I study painting!...that this is the time to give it up.Mother doesn't understand how I feel! This is a serious topic, it deserves serious discussion!Oh, there's something painted on the inside...W, well... no, not yet! But I'm going to keep practicing, and some day I'll be just as good as Mother, you'll see!
A Bright Canvas in the Color of Cowardice
First Part
The Japanese verb for "be bright" is "hikaru", same as the girl's name. Pretty sure its usage in the title is wordplay, and translated accordingly.That was in junior high.A police box? Why? There been a crime?Are you going to paint any more?You've improved greatly over these two years, can't you be happy with that? And then there's something about a university that I just cannot seem to grasp... OTLHinobara? My house is right by there, I can take you myself, no trouble!I'm Kurihara Chie! Chie = "thousand pictures". Just thought you'd like to know.Hikaru, your mom's a real good painter, isn't she?...I think it's very nice.Wait, wait, of course I want to go to university, but... my painting...The world is full to the brim with "good painters".Mother, I am not angry. But, until just now, I was feeling pretty good about the future, and I'd rather not think about that.